A Romp in Seoul

Last weekend I went to the big city, S-E-O-U-L! With a population of over 10 million people, it stands among the 10 most populated cities in the world. Included in that list are Mumbai, Shanghai, Istanbul, Sao Paulo and Moscow.

I’ve been meaning to visit for a couple of months now, but because of one thing or another, this was the first time I made it up. I have a friend named Val who’s been teaching in a suburb of Seoul for the last year and a half, we’ve been friends since college. I’ve been eager to meet up with someone I knew from my past life, but she had to work Saturdays and then went home for the holidays. But now she’s has returned to Korea, bearing Christmas gifts and sleeping pills for me, and so of course I made no haste for our reunion.

My journey started early Saturday morning, and I mean EARLY! 5:30am! I groggily got on my bus and presumably snored until our pee break. I stumbled off the bus, not bothering to put on my coat or glasses, and hazily found a bathroom. I was only slightly surprised that the women’s restroom would have urinals, but I was on a mission and cared very little for details. Now on hindsight it seems only obvious that not only did I pee in men’s restroom, but that I probably alarmed my fellow bus-mates when I pulled down my pants and squatted over the sophisticated hole in the ground unabashedly. Well, those Korean businessmen sure got a show.

I tend to get motion sick when I travel, which I hoped countless hours of commuting would have cured, but alas, no such avail. So I squinted my eyes with the goal of finding some quick food, probably insulting any poor sap that laid his/her eyes upon me with my crazy morning hair and inappropriate Korean impression. My comprehensive search of the facility for anything edible lasted all of 42 seconds, I really left no stone unturned, but it was getting cold and I was keen to sit on a the uncomfortable, loud bus for a few more hours. But hold on a minute... where is the bus? I thought I had left it right here... I scanned the parking lot, unable to decipher Smart Car from Hummer, damn hereditary! And from afar I think I see a bus, or maybe fire truck, about to enter the highway onramp. Begrudgingly, I pick up my pace.

I’m not ashamed to admit I scowled at the bus driver to express my displeasure. He has 10 riders, I’m the only American, I mean, really? I was gone 6 minutes for crying out loud! Maybe he was paying me back for snoring the 2 hours and counting. Well, disaster averted, so I made a serious effort to not imbibe my snoring this go around. I’ll teach him a lesion! What lesson that may be, I’m not entirely sure. But I’m standing on principle here dag nabit!

Funniness aside, this actually could have been completely catastrophic. On the bus was my bag, which had my phone, my only connection to Mr. Shin, along with any form of identification and a credit card. I had about $40 on me, which would be enough to get me either to Andong or Seoul, but of course that was assuming I had any idea where I was. So the lesson I learned here: if I have to pee on the bus ride, it would probably be in my best interests to pee directly on the bus.

I got to the Express Bus Terminal, got a coke and sat down for a minute, and the heavenly lights parted to show me the golden arches of the coveted Egg McMuffin I’d been denied for far too long. And it was... heavily. I was now ready to tackle any and all obstacles ahead of me! Mind you it was just a subway, and if you’ve ridden one subway, you’ve ridden ‘em all.

I found the corner I was supposed to stand at while waiting for Val and her friend Kat. In the time I waited, I watched a frumpy British woman wearing sweat pants walking the most homely dog I’ve ever seen, trying coxing it to poo on the sidewalk. I’m with the dog, find me a patch of grass, thank you very much! For the first time in nearing 4 months, English was being spoken with as much frequency as the Korean I’d so expertly learned to ignore. It was bizarre and exciting. It definitely fed my love of eavesdropping. Oh no he di’int!

Val arrived with Kat and we made our way to a place that is notorious for traditional English tarts and pies. Val and I shard a cherry tart and drank hot chocolate just catching up. Now on hindsight, I should have taken a picture ☹

After we shopped a bit, the multitudes of street venders awakened and it was quite a sight to see. I just had to buy the pair of Superman socks I spotted, along with some Obama socks, but the purpose of my purchase is most top secret! I spotted a belt buckle stand, which always tempts this trendy soul of mine, and the epic battle that proceeded after seeing a Super Nintendo controller belt buckle made me question the assertion that I have, or ever will be, an adult. Painfully, I saved my monies wisely.

The part of Seoul we met up in is called Itaewon and is known as the foreigner’s hub. There are Indian restaurants, street performers, British pubs and tacky Asian souvenir shops, to name a few. After window-shopping for a spell, we all decided on a little Chinese restaurant that served a great rendition of poor American-Chinese food. It was greasy and not very good, so it tasted like home.

After lunch Kat made her way back to her abode and Val and I went to an English bookstore and met up with her beau. After hours of running about with my hair on fire, I settled on ‘A Separate Peace’ by John Knowles, but haven’t started it yet. I am currently engrossed in ‘Middlesex’ by Jeffrey Eugenides.

After a sufficient time in the city, Val and I took the 40 minute bus ride to her pad. We took a nap, woke up craving Papa John’s Pizza and spent the rest of the evening watching South Park and talking shop. It was a great reconnect.

The next day went by rather fast. Woke up, goofed around, I actually can’t remember what the hell we did! and went to a nearby Italian restaurant that served close to authentic Italian food. This is something I should expand upon.

So in Korea, if there is a food that is largely regarded to be a specific ethnicity, the tendency is to put a little ‘Korean’ twist to it. For example, Korean pizza companies will put corn in the marinara sauce of the pizza. Not horrible, but also not home. How about ketchup on sandwiches? Again, not ghastly, but not standard. But then I’ve not discussed the Korean preoccupation with Spam. That’s right. Spam! In everything! The grocery aisle that holds Spam is as expansive as our cheese aisles at home.

‘And what is this?’
‘Cheese.’
‘And what is this?’
‘Cheese.’
‘And what is this?’

Gold star if you can name that movie. Anyway, back on point, I have seen Spam gift packs, like the kind we get/give with lotions and bath salts. I have seen tuna flavored Spam, Spam served with vegetables, Spam barbeque, and if you think it’s beyond me to quote the Forrest Gump ‘Shrimp scene,’ think again. But I think you get the point. So, that was the long way of saying, the fettuccini and carbonara we enjoyed was not molested by Spam in any way. Thank God.

Soon it was time to say farethewell, with is a phrase no one ever says anymore, but should. I took the bus to the subway station, the subway to the bus station, and finally a cab back to home sweet home! Ah, home...

A Few Student Essays

Many of my students have exceptional English skills, especially having never studied anywhere but Korea. Last week I challenged some of my older students to write an essay in the remaining 20 minutes of class. I decided to publish their work on this little ol' blog of mine because I felt they were great examples of Korean values. I debated whether or not I should correct these for this post, but ultimately decided to let you get a feel of what I am working with and left them as is. Plus, I didn't want to lose any integrity in my corrections. Of course, when I handed them back, I had corrected them and assigned a revision as homework, but all things considered, I was really pleased with the quality and creativity applied in such a sort time.



1. 'My Perfect Place to Live' by Choi Yun-ho

I will describe my perfect place to live here. It is a country located on the top of Mt. Everest. There lives only my family, relatives and my friends. Senior citizens are the rulers of our country.

Because oxygen is rare at the top of Mt. Everest, the Government provides a oxygen inhaler to each person, so that people can respire. Our country is a perfect place because, we can survive the termination of the earth. Sea level will go higher and higher as a result of global warming. So all country around the world will sink to the sea, except for my country. After the all disaster finished and seal level went down, we will go to the Korean Peninsula and found the country once again. We will reconstruct human civilization. That's all.

After I wrote all, I think my country is not perfect, rather terrible.




2. 'A Legend I Know' by Jung HeeJu

Long time ago, water's god's daughter 'hawback' love sun's god and she has son. She goes to Human world and baby come out her's stomach. her baby isn't person. It is ball (egg). Human world's king discovery it. He said 'How amazing' because sun shine on only the egg (ball. Then king take it some days ago. Egg (ball) is breakdown and boy baby is in the egg. King has nine sons, but he brings egg boy baby and king take egg boy baby and He made prince. Prince has talent. It is to throw arrow. His name is Jumong.

Nine sons is jealousy to prince because they are prince but every one like him and he is false prince. Then nine sons lie to king. They said to king "egg boy prince will kill you." Then king's men chase egg boy prince. Egg boy prince escape, when he front of river, and his back, chase King's men, and he said to the sky "I'm water god's grandchild" then turtle and fish made bridge and he go to good ground.

He build new country. The new country name is "GoGirea." It is one of the Korea country.

(I can't remember all of the legend. I gorget part of legend. That part I make little :)




3. 'My Perfect Place to Live' by SHIN Dong Jun

If I can establish a place, I will make it perfect. First there will be two soccer stadiums and two basketball playgrounds. By these environments, we will be able to exercise and make us healthy.

Then, I will make a garden that is filled with lots of flowers and tress. In this place, people will be able to breathe fresh air and then do many things such as walking, justing seeing nature or talking with other people.

Last of all, it will also have library and many convenience but less electronic machines like computers and air-conditioner. Maybe plenty of people will complain of this fact, however, I think electronic machines harm people so much and it interfere people's resting. Because of this, I will do that despite of many people's complaint.

I like nature, so I will make this place like nature. Then it will help people to relive their stresses and hard life. Because it is my house, it helps me of course. Oh, I forgot to tell you the place to sleep. This structure will be a third-floor building, so playing place will be the first floor, graden will be on the second florr and my real house will be top of this building.



4. 'The Legend of the tree in Andong' by Jang Min Gi

Once upon a time, there was a tree in Andong. In the present, the tree is located on the street of Andong dam. One woman was bothered by her husband's mother, she suffered all kinds of hard works. After all, she decided to die and she went to the tree. She hanged her neck on the tree with a rope. Next day, her husband's mother was dead and all people who bothered her were dead. Many people thought she was cursing them, so, some of them tried to cut the tree because she hanged her next on the tree. But people who try to cut the tree were all dead. So, many people didn't try to cut the tree and they always bow their head to the tree since then.

Surprisingly, the tree is cut by someone last summer. Is the man who cut the tree dead? I want to know his traces.

Meet the Students (Part 1)

When I originally thought of my emerging career as a foreign language instructor, I thought I would most enjoy working with older students, junior high and high school age. I had this naive notion that we would share rich and complex conversations that went beyond the necessary explanation of subject-verb agreement and the compulsory grammar lesson: ‘i before e, except after c.’ I was wrong. The older students have been too integrated into Korean cultural. They’re quiet, impersonal, and hate receiving individual attention. Getting them to use the English skills they’ve acquired is like pulling teeth. Well, not all of them, but about 90% of them. They are in academy because their parents say so and that’s that.

Surprisingly, the students I love teaching are the little kids, ages 8-13. They’re completely unencumbered. They like to sing, draw, skip and shout. They are silly and laugh and scream and are loads of fun to be around. We can break out in song any given moment, and they love to teach me naughty words in Korean like, fart (bangwee) or booger (codatchi) and laugh manically when I repeat my new found vocab skills during the most unlikely of times. The majority of my language Korean language skills have been taught by 10-year-old boys, hence the nature of vocabulary: shut-up ugly is shicarro, poo hair is unga melicula, underwear is soeoat etc. I know they’ve had me say swear words, which I dutifully repeat just to hear them laugh. After all, language needs to be fun, right? We have a jolly ol’ time!

Oh, I should mention, Koreans have a different aging process. When I first got here I would ask a student how old he/she was and he/she would say, ‘My Korean age is 12,’ which always left me curious. Later I learned that Koreans consider the birth of an infant to be 1 year old (I guess gestation counts) and so by our standards they are 1 year younger. I feel like I’m kinda getting the short end of the stick with this custom when I’m asked my Korean age. I’m not too keen on being prematurely closer to 30 than I already am, so I just say my American age. Screw that I say!

The first student I ever taught was Juan Unn, a scrappy little 8 year old. It was an individual lesson, and it was soon clear why he was my predecessor’s favorite student. He enjoys pokemon, spinning tops, and robots. One of the most endearing moments with him was when Juan wanted to show me the shirt he was wearing under his sweater, but made me promise not to laugh. Of course this spiked my curiosity. After multiple reassurances, he revealed the superman shirt he was so proud to be sporting. How cute is that?

I have a total of 18 classes, so I can’t summarize each class’s unique personality, but I do want to highlight a few of ‘em.

One of my favorite classes is ‘Snowflake’ with only 2 students, Joel and Nick. They’re a funny duo, 10 years old. I think they are my most advanced students in the sense that they think in English. I have older students who have a more extensive knowledge of English, but their application of the language isn’t as comprehensive. Anyway, Nick and Joel, they crack me up every day.

Nick is on the left, Joel is on the right.

I asked them what their fathers do (very few mothers have jobs) and Nick told me his dad is a manager and Joel said his was a chicken feather. Chicken feather? Uh, I think there’s been a break down in communication. But Joel, consummate joker, as well as an articulate little shit, was indeed correct, his father is a chicken feather. See, the word for chicken in Korean is ‘dak’ and the word for feather is ‘tore,’ so his father is a daktore, a.k.a. a doctor. He enjoys word play. Incidentily, he also enjoys changing the language option on my cell phone to Korean when I’m not looking. I told ya, he's a little shit.

‘Snowflake’ recently finished the book we’ve been working on for 4 months and wanted a pizza party, but I’m broke, so instead we had a ‘drawing party.’ Lame yes, but they’re 10 so... Nick makes these amazing comic books that I’m always impressed with, and I managed to trade my comic book for his so I could show you what a great artist he is.

The lessons with the little kids can be tedious, so I’m always appreciative of my older students and my ability to mix it up. I work with a series of books called, ‘What a World’ and each chapter relays some information that in unique to a particular region, like the history of the Great Wall of China, or how Inuit’s live etc. It’s great for me because I thrive on useless global trivia! If the class gets done with a lesson before our 55 minutes is up, we move on to ‘life lessons.’

What ‘life lessons’ you may ask? These life lessons of course...

From left to right, Katie, Julia and Isabelle.

The rules of cards, vocabulary associated with playing cards, appropriate card game etiquette and the like. After all, I consider myself to be a life-mentor, not just an English teacher!