The blog I’ve received the most responses from was ‘A Boy Named Tim,’ so I thought I should follow-up with that whole situation and how it’s progressed.
When I wrote that blog back in December, I had only taught Tim a few times. I’d been teaching Matthew, his older brother, since I started at Sky, and definitely found him to be... a challenge. I like Matthew, but he is constantly disruptive and distracting.
There are times when I have to reprimand a student, and then when we get back to the lesson and he/she reads the passage perfectly. Obviously my affirmations need to be just as swift as any punishment. This has been an invaluable lesson for me – I can’t hold grudges and create a welcoming learning environment, it’s as simple as that. But this is something that takes a bit of maturity to practice, so it’s not surprising a few of my students still resent Matthew’s (and Tim’s) disruptive behavior.
In a way, I think the practice of chastising a student for poor behavior is a very Korean thing to do. When I speak to those who’ve travelled to Asia, or know someone who has, I constantly hear how ‘rude’ the people are. Instances of ‘cutting in line’ and being pushy are remembered vividly, which are totally valid and accurate. But the longer I’ve been here, the easier it is to see how essential these practices are.
The sheer number of people in this content requires an assertive attitude, otherwise no one would get anywhere. I think this is true for the public ridicule I’ve witness in regards to troublesome students. Classmates of the same age find poor manners deplorable. But regardless, it’s always a little shocking to me when classmates shun another student. It’s a really foreign act.
Anyway, back on topic. Tim and Matthew. So Tim and I originally had private lessons, and he’s a bright kid who is quick to laugh. He’s also the only student I’ve taught who is ambidextrous, which is impressive. Then our class size tripled and now he shares the spotlight with Brian and Jenny. But he’s not the best at sharing. He’ll act out and deliberately misbehave so I'm forced to give him more attention. And at first I did.
I imagined what would happen if I told his mother of his actions, and opted to tackle this challenge alone, but he was taking away attention from other students. So now I give him a choice: he can misbehave on the other side of the room or he can join us. It’s been pretty successful too. He’s learned that if he wants to screw around, I’m not going to give him attention, and his classmates won’t want him on their team, or, he can behave and join in the fun.
Whenever a class finishes a book we celebrate with a pizza party, so, as promised, when Matthew’s class finished ‘Side by Side 3’ I bought a pizza. Only Matthew came to class that day, so it was just us, a barbeque pizza, a deck of cards and Moby. He really liked Moby. Then out of the blue, we had this conversation:
Matthew: My father scare sometimes.
Now, I didn’t know if that meant his father was scared, or is scary, so I just kept quiet and waited for him to clarify.
Matthew: He mad a lot.
Me: I get scared when my father is mad.
Matthew: Your father hit you?
Me: No. He never hits me.
Matthew: Sometime my father hit.
Again, I had no idea what to say. I’d imagine I’d have a clearer set of instructions of what actions to take if I taught in the states, but not here. There are no actions. The concept of child protection does not exist.
Me: Why does your father get so angry?
Matthew: He work at prison and is stress.
Me: Yeah, that sounds stressful.
Matthew: He hit mother.
Me: And then your mother hits you?
Matthew: Yeah.
Me: I think I would feel angry and scared if my mother and father hit me.
Matthew: Yeah.
Me: I won’t ever hit you.
Matthew: I know teacher.
And as quickly as the conversation started, it ended. He commented on how much he loves pizza, to which I agreed, and asked if he could give the leftovers to his mom. It was a heart wrenching conversation, and I still feel like I wasn’t adequately supportive. It’s hard to know what the hell the say in a situation like that.
Even though having class with Tim and Matthew can be taxing, it’s been a really rewarding experience also. They’re bound to have behavioral issues, but it makes their sincere moments that much better. So, yeah, they are definitely a challenge, probably my most challenging students, but they are also some of my favorite students too. Tim always pops his head in my classroom when he leaves and says, ‘see you rater teacher,’ and Matthew is always so tender with me. He gently cups my face when he asks a question, or pats my back when he walks past, so, I’m happy to take the good with the bad.
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