Cabin Fever Randomness

This post will be a compilation of all the random things I’ve wanted to say but couldn’t because they don’t fit nicely into a pre-packaged blog theme.

As you know, I arrived in Korea on October 6^th, but didn’t start teaching until October 12^th. There were a few weeks of good weather, but that soon ended, leaving me coatless with a Russian wind. The temperature here is about the same as home, the only difference is this wind. Bitter, bone chilling wind. The kind of wind that makes my teeth ache in pain and freezes my hair after a brief 3 minute walk. The kind of wind that makes me contemplate the meaning of life because I know if I stay outside for too long I will die. No questions asked. I will just simply no longer exist. That kind of wind.

So needless to say, though of course, apparently, I do have some need to say, I have not been outside more than is necessary, which has put a damper on my great plan to organize a massive student revolt here in Andong. It has also affected my ability to find, meet and befriend other foreigners. I know they’re here, my students have told me of new English teachers at their schools, but I can’t force myself outside very long. Hmm...

And just last week I thought this conundrum may be settled, but of course that was before a massive dust storm came in. I know, a dust storm! I thought that only happened in the Midwest during the 1920’s! I stand corrected. But I’m gonna keep positive that once April hits, it’ll be sunshine galore.

During the moments I feel isolated and/or homesick, I just look at the bright side of life. Hakuna Matata! Which brings me to my next point:

An Unlikely Friend

I was walking home from the grocery store one night when something fluttered in the road in an unnatural way, which of course caught my eye. And what do you think I found?! A frog! Yes, that’s right, a frog. And for those of you who don’t know, I LOVE FROGGIES!!! I can’t get enough of them. When I went to Zion Nat’l Park with my cousins Jello and Gassy Gus, it was during frog season and I caught like 20 frogs and stuffed them into my boot and limped around screaming ‘FROGGIES!’ True story. So like it or not, this little discovery and I were bound to be best friends.

I walked with this little frog in my hand, dragging my groceries behind me, and once inside the warmth called home, it occurred to me I have nowhere to put this little guy. I was already crooning to him, so he wouldn’t be scared you see, but even though our friendship was developing very quickly, I just didn’t want him to roam around my single room abode unattended. So I put him in a pot, inside my sink. He seemed a docile fella, so I didn’t think twice about it. Have you spotted the build up yet? Well, as it tends to happen, I got distracted by tv, and while my dinner was cooking in the space I call a ‘kitchen,’ the little bugger made what I can only describe as a Herculian jump, out of the pot, out of the sink, and was now doing exactly what I never wanted him to do, roaming about my small quarters. And just like that, everything that was right in the world suddenly became wrong.

Even though I had caught this wee lad, courted and betrothed my love to him, I was now terrified. Of him? Maybe. But mainly, I did not want to step on him. It was out of concern you see. I spotted him in an unreachable corner, as it tends to happen, and thought now was as good a time as any to do those dishes I’d been putting off. Really, I wanted to trick him into thinking I’d forgotten about him, and maybe the noise would startle him back into my loving embrace, but as with most plans of entrapment, this did not work. In fact, it had an opposite effect, he scurried under the cabinets and worked himself into a frenzy. By now I was imagining how my itty domicile would smell if my newfound friend died under there, and I too worked myself into a frenzy. I told him that I never had any intention of keeping him, I just wanted to take him to class tomorrow and introduce him to some of my students, but if he didn’t want to meet them, then he better march himself out so I return him to the wild streets of Andong. And that’s just what he did, so I did as I promised. I’m a man of my word you see.

Although our friendship only lasted an hour, little frogie, I love you.

It turns out there are only 2 frogs in Andong, 1 is poisonous and the other is not. He was not, but I had a 50/50 chance of needing the cunning skills of Dr. Gregory House had this not been the case.

A Few Confessions

There are a few secrets I feel obliged to share with all 12 of you, my dedicated followers. These are in no particular order, but I feel like it would be a lie not to admit these things out loud, and on the Internet, for all to see and judge as they deem fit.

1. More often than not, when I wake up, I am completely convinced I have magical powers.

I’m not just speaking of the hazy moments between dreams and reality, I mean, I’ve gotten up, gone pee-pee, and am on the computer when it occurs to me how wonderful blueberry pancakes would be for breakfast, and even though I know there is no blueberry pancake mix in my cabinets, I still take a gander because my mind is more powerful than I could ever imagine, and maybe, just maybe...

Then, 10 minutes later, I check again, you know, just in case...

2. I am constitutionally adversed to capitalization.

For the purpose of this blog I practice a little self-restraint, but aside from this little publication, I refuse to capitalize. I feel like the nouns we decide to cap are so arbitrary and I despise being told how to show a conceived form of respect. The only phrases that I willingly cap in emails are 'President Obama' and 'Elder Bavelas.' Obama for obvious reasons, he rocks, and Adam, because he's a stud. I told Adam this once in an email and he was quite flattered to be on the same playing field as our Commander-in-Chief in this deranged head of mine.

3. It’s true that I am quickly approaching the ripe old age of 30. It’s true that I am able to pay my monthly utility bills (which has oddly reaffirmed my adulthood) and it is also true that I cannot sleep without my beloved stuffed animal named Effie the Effelant.

Aw, Effie the Effelant. Effie has travelled the world with me. He has been a friend, confidant and pillow in times of need. In the private moments of our slumber I am always aware of the exact positioning of his little trunk sos he can breathe properly. True story.

A little known fact about Effie is that he is in fact a hermaphrodite. I have told him that that is not a politically correct phrase these days, that he is ‘intersex’ and saying hermaphrodite is like calling a Black person a Negro or an Asian person Oriental, but he insists on hermaphrodite, and I figure, eh, who am I to argue?

4. I haven’t yet decided, but I see a promising future as a pirate, ghost-buster or lunch lady.

This is actually why I went to business school. I thought, what better way to learn the ways of pirating than attend Westminster’s Gore School of Business? It was a wise choice. Do you want fries with that? And of course I’m a nut for mystery and adventure, so ghost-busting seems like a natural course of action. I will use my time here to think on it a bit more, arrrrr!

5. This one is especially hard to admit, but here goes nothing: I am a fan of American Idol. There is said it, and it feels so good to get that off my shoulders!

Before moving out here I’d never seen a complete episode of this bloody show. My cousins raved about it, people spoke of the contestants like friends or family members, but other than a brief clip of the exceptionally bad performers, I had absolutely no desire to see it. Then I came to Korea, and I guess that means I start watching American Idol? Well it would seem so.

I’ll tell you what got me hooked. They had these promos on which city they’d be visiting and I saw Salt Lake was in the midst, so it peeked my curiosity. Then I glimpsed those mountains that mean home, and sat through an entire episode for the first time. Even though I’d never seen an episode, of course I know who Adam Lambert is and was even more interested to see his ‘legendary’ performances.

So that’s my deep dark secret. Ah, what a load off!

My Own Personal Fan

I am often greeted by smiling children saying hello as I walk to and fro, but adults rarely do anything other than stare at me. Because of this, the first time I encountered what can only be described as the town drunk, I was convinced his ecstatic salutation was meant for anyone other than me. Nope. It was for me. Whenever he sees me he rushes to shake my hand, which is definitely not a standard greeting, and mumbles the few English words he knows. Once he walked me to his friend who sells apples, so a bought a few and now he’s my apple guy.

There are times I am in a hurry and have to duck out of the way to make it to class, and then there are days I go out of my way to be recognized by the only member of my personal fan club. Seriously, this guy always cheers me up, I’ve never met anyone so excited to see me. It’s great!

Welcome to the Monkey House

This is the last bit of random information that doesn’t quite fit into any preconceived theme on this here blog, and it’s about my neighbors. I live on the 2^nd floor of this building, and there are 6 studio apartments on this floor. Besides the out-of-place American who lives in 203, there are some notably eccentric residents. My neigbors who live just right of me are apparently together for all the wrong reasons because they never stop fighting!

I can’t count how many times I’ve woken up to shattering glass and yelling, the girl is a screecher you see. Apparently they have no appreciation of proper sleep cycles either, because it doesn’t matter if it’s 2am or 5:42am, they yell as loud as they see fit. It was actually this that prompted me to learn a few explanatives in Korean, but I’ve yet to use this helpful skill. They were gone this last week and it was an oh-so-sweet-heaven, but they’re home now so...

Occasionally I chat with the foreign teachers who used to work for Mr. Shin and was told these people have been fighting like this for over 2 years, which makes me speculate about the causes of this incessant battle. Maybe he drinks, maybe her mother-in-law hates her, maybe he’s a player, maybe she has a degenerative brain condition, who knows? All I know is, as annoying as it is, it’s also oddly comforting, like a sound of home. Weird huh?

My other neighbor is quite colourful also. Some of you may or may not know I have a very odd sleep cycle, and that combined with the echoing effect of the stairwell, allows me to decipher when and what neighbors come home. For the last few months I had a few suspicions about the girl living two apartments left of me, but now, I can say without a doubt, she is indeed a lady of the night!

The first clue was how late she comes home, apparently only to leave, then return home again. She wears high heels so her echo is rather distinctive. Then I got a look at her business attire, and even though my hair would freeze from the wicked wind outside, she was wearing a short mini-skirt, no tights, and a skimpy shirt. The thing about Koreans is, I've never seen a scantily clad woman unless she's working a corner, so that, along with my keen observation skills, and the confirmation of a previous teach, all tells me she is a woman of the night. Aw, all this 'real life' experience! Invaluable I say!

Well that’s all for now. Oh, except, Happy Birthday Papa and Jello! Mmmm, jell-o...