A Romp in Seoul

Last weekend I went to the big city, S-E-O-U-L! With a population of over 10 million people, it stands among the 10 most populated cities in the world. Included in that list are Mumbai, Shanghai, Istanbul, Sao Paulo and Moscow.

I’ve been meaning to visit for a couple of months now, but because of one thing or another, this was the first time I made it up. I have a friend named Val who’s been teaching in a suburb of Seoul for the last year and a half, we’ve been friends since college. I’ve been eager to meet up with someone I knew from my past life, but she had to work Saturdays and then went home for the holidays. But now she’s has returned to Korea, bearing Christmas gifts and sleeping pills for me, and so of course I made no haste for our reunion.

My journey started early Saturday morning, and I mean EARLY! 5:30am! I groggily got on my bus and presumably snored until our pee break. I stumbled off the bus, not bothering to put on my coat or glasses, and hazily found a bathroom. I was only slightly surprised that the women’s restroom would have urinals, but I was on a mission and cared very little for details. Now on hindsight it seems only obvious that not only did I pee in men’s restroom, but that I probably alarmed my fellow bus-mates when I pulled down my pants and squatted over the sophisticated hole in the ground unabashedly. Well, those Korean businessmen sure got a show.

I tend to get motion sick when I travel, which I hoped countless hours of commuting would have cured, but alas, no such avail. So I squinted my eyes with the goal of finding some quick food, probably insulting any poor sap that laid his/her eyes upon me with my crazy morning hair and inappropriate Korean impression. My comprehensive search of the facility for anything edible lasted all of 42 seconds, I really left no stone unturned, but it was getting cold and I was keen to sit on a the uncomfortable, loud bus for a few more hours. But hold on a minute... where is the bus? I thought I had left it right here... I scanned the parking lot, unable to decipher Smart Car from Hummer, damn hereditary! And from afar I think I see a bus, or maybe fire truck, about to enter the highway onramp. Begrudgingly, I pick up my pace.

I’m not ashamed to admit I scowled at the bus driver to express my displeasure. He has 10 riders, I’m the only American, I mean, really? I was gone 6 minutes for crying out loud! Maybe he was paying me back for snoring the 2 hours and counting. Well, disaster averted, so I made a serious effort to not imbibe my snoring this go around. I’ll teach him a lesion! What lesson that may be, I’m not entirely sure. But I’m standing on principle here dag nabit!

Funniness aside, this actually could have been completely catastrophic. On the bus was my bag, which had my phone, my only connection to Mr. Shin, along with any form of identification and a credit card. I had about $40 on me, which would be enough to get me either to Andong or Seoul, but of course that was assuming I had any idea where I was. So the lesson I learned here: if I have to pee on the bus ride, it would probably be in my best interests to pee directly on the bus.

I got to the Express Bus Terminal, got a coke and sat down for a minute, and the heavenly lights parted to show me the golden arches of the coveted Egg McMuffin I’d been denied for far too long. And it was... heavily. I was now ready to tackle any and all obstacles ahead of me! Mind you it was just a subway, and if you’ve ridden one subway, you’ve ridden ‘em all.

I found the corner I was supposed to stand at while waiting for Val and her friend Kat. In the time I waited, I watched a frumpy British woman wearing sweat pants walking the most homely dog I’ve ever seen, trying coxing it to poo on the sidewalk. I’m with the dog, find me a patch of grass, thank you very much! For the first time in nearing 4 months, English was being spoken with as much frequency as the Korean I’d so expertly learned to ignore. It was bizarre and exciting. It definitely fed my love of eavesdropping. Oh no he di’int!

Val arrived with Kat and we made our way to a place that is notorious for traditional English tarts and pies. Val and I shard a cherry tart and drank hot chocolate just catching up. Now on hindsight, I should have taken a picture ☹

After we shopped a bit, the multitudes of street venders awakened and it was quite a sight to see. I just had to buy the pair of Superman socks I spotted, along with some Obama socks, but the purpose of my purchase is most top secret! I spotted a belt buckle stand, which always tempts this trendy soul of mine, and the epic battle that proceeded after seeing a Super Nintendo controller belt buckle made me question the assertion that I have, or ever will be, an adult. Painfully, I saved my monies wisely.

The part of Seoul we met up in is called Itaewon and is known as the foreigner’s hub. There are Indian restaurants, street performers, British pubs and tacky Asian souvenir shops, to name a few. After window-shopping for a spell, we all decided on a little Chinese restaurant that served a great rendition of poor American-Chinese food. It was greasy and not very good, so it tasted like home.

After lunch Kat made her way back to her abode and Val and I went to an English bookstore and met up with her beau. After hours of running about with my hair on fire, I settled on ‘A Separate Peace’ by John Knowles, but haven’t started it yet. I am currently engrossed in ‘Middlesex’ by Jeffrey Eugenides.

After a sufficient time in the city, Val and I took the 40 minute bus ride to her pad. We took a nap, woke up craving Papa John’s Pizza and spent the rest of the evening watching South Park and talking shop. It was a great reconnect.

The next day went by rather fast. Woke up, goofed around, I actually can’t remember what the hell we did! and went to a nearby Italian restaurant that served close to authentic Italian food. This is something I should expand upon.

So in Korea, if there is a food that is largely regarded to be a specific ethnicity, the tendency is to put a little ‘Korean’ twist to it. For example, Korean pizza companies will put corn in the marinara sauce of the pizza. Not horrible, but also not home. How about ketchup on sandwiches? Again, not ghastly, but not standard. But then I’ve not discussed the Korean preoccupation with Spam. That’s right. Spam! In everything! The grocery aisle that holds Spam is as expansive as our cheese aisles at home.

‘And what is this?’
‘Cheese.’
‘And what is this?’
‘Cheese.’
‘And what is this?’

Gold star if you can name that movie. Anyway, back on point, I have seen Spam gift packs, like the kind we get/give with lotions and bath salts. I have seen tuna flavored Spam, Spam served with vegetables, Spam barbeque, and if you think it’s beyond me to quote the Forrest Gump ‘Shrimp scene,’ think again. But I think you get the point. So, that was the long way of saying, the fettuccini and carbonara we enjoyed was not molested by Spam in any way. Thank God.

Soon it was time to say farethewell, with is a phrase no one ever says anymore, but should. I took the bus to the subway station, the subway to the bus station, and finally a cab back to home sweet home! Ah, home...