My first bus ride

I haven’t ridden the bus yet, and, incidentally my fridge is beyond bare, so I thought I would utilize my unexpected day off to shop at E-Mart, the Korean equivalent of Walmart. I’ve been there one other time, it’s in the city next to Andong, called Octdong, Mr. Shinn took me.

I knew it was in the general direction of, well, I don’t know my east from west yet, but I know it’s over there, and I see buses all over the place so I figured I would get on one and find E-Mart. Some may be wondering, but how? This was my grand plan. Somehow I was going to find this grocery store, fill up my little cart on wheels, and get back to my apartment before dark.

I waited at a bus stop and got on the first bus that came by. Then I looked out the window. My little shopping cart was by my feet and I had about $10 cash on me,the last $10 cash I have I should add. I’m not out of money, just out of cash. My ATM card still won’t withdraw.

When I went to E-Mart the one other time we drove in a car. As it turns out, cars and random buses drive different routes. And all the streets look the same. At least in the Europe I could recognize letters, though I couldn’t read the language. I only recently started to use characters with circles to my benefit.

It soon became clear I have no idea how far Octdong is. I’d been riding for about 25 minutes when I start to question this grand plan of mine. Well, as long as we’re being honest here, really I started wondering if this was going to work out when I forgot my ipod, and my dear friend Jim Dale – I’ve been thinking of petitioning for his Canonization next time I get to Rome

Now I’ve lost count how many times we’ve turned left, and I think we’ve gone too far East, or whatever direction, when I spot in the distance, yep, you guessed it, E-Mart! The only problem is, I don’t know how to stop this bus. There’s no draw-cord, no brightly colored button, an arrow to pull my eye on way or another. There’s got to be a way to get off this bus other than thrusting myself out of a 2 inch window! And then I spot it, the subtle grey push bottom that means my cabinets may be full tonight.

Did you spot it? The E-Mart sign? I nearly missed it myself.

I stride off the bus as if I have performed some minor miracle, and for all intents and purposes, perhaps I just did. I’m strolling down the sidewalk with my little cart hot on my heals, my shoulders back and head held up high with pride. I did it. I rode a bus. And I got to my destination through nothing but observation and sheer dumb luck.

I walk through the automated doors and see the regular-sized shopping carts. Not knowing which to use, I place my knee-high cart inside the cart and begin my career as a personal shopper. One problem though, I have to pay for the shopping cart. It never occurred to me to remove my little cart and just shop with that, I guess I didn’t want shopkeepers to think I was putting store items in my personal cart. I paid the man his 100 won coin, disinfected the handle of the cart, and away I went.

It’s not a large store, but you wouldn’t know that by how long it took me. I found the cheese section, but I wanted parmesan cheese, and having seen it at a pizza joint I know it exists here, so I politely say excuse me to a grocer, in English of course because I can’t be bothered to learn the native language, English only applies to foreign countries too after all, and point to the cheese, then gesture shaking cheese out of a parmesan bottle and make the sound ‘chk chk chk.’ A look of comprehension came over her and she helped me look, but alas to no avail. So being a helpful local grocer, she enlisted the help of her fellow co-worker by repeating my shaking gesture and ‘chk chk chk.’ That grocer knew exactly what and where my desired item was, and hence, one less thing for me to find.

What other items did I buy you may be asking yourself? Well, keep in mind my little shopping cart doesn’t hold much more than a grocer basket, but it looked a lot smaller sitting stupidly inside the larger cart. I will say, as a general rule of thumb, I often get stares in public, mostly from the elderly. Perhaps they’ve never seen a white person, maybe they imagine I am contaminated with the swine, or HBO2 or whatever they’re calling now, but I got more stares in the grocery store with my cart inside my cart than on any sidewalk. I did walk away with a box of almond granola cereal, 100 mg of milk ( I dunno, less than half a gallon?) a bag of tangerines, a container of kiwi, some fresh kimchi, crab, grape jelly, lemon juice, dumplings, orange juice, pineapple juice and eggs. Oh ya, and a bunch of banana’s, not because I like banana’s, though I do, but because if you eat a banana before bed it stimulates your dreams and they are CRAZY! CRAZY BANANA DREAMS! I have a number of novel ideas from crazy banana dreams. Anyway, all that food for only 88 wons, or $74.

The return leg of this venture is easier than the initial go around. I waited for the same bus number, 0, and someone helped me get my cart inside the bus. I smiled as I recognized previously unrecognizable streets and promptly got off the right exit just before the sun set. So how do you like them apples?

I am completely aware that only I could get on a random bus with a specific destination in mind with very limited resources, and execute the plan so seamlessly that it was destined to succeed before it began. That’s just how I roll, fast and loose, or is it puckered and withdrawn? Dunno, but the point is, through a serious of improbably occurances, I got exactly what I aimed for, a full fridge. And there you have it.